


Normal Little Boys

by Ladycat



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Connor is never taken away, Crack, Gen, Kid Fic, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-12
Updated: 2014-02-12
Packaged: 2018-01-12 02:55:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1181082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladycat/pseuds/Ladycat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's reassuring that Wesley screams higher than she does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Normal Little Boys

A tiny flash of brown hair and pale, pale skin is the only warning they get.

Cordelia takes a deep breath and shouts " _CONNOR AURELIAN DON'T YOU DARE!"_ just as a small body appears at the top of the stairs and leaps off. In that agonizing moment when the world stands still, horror written large over every dark, gleaming, incredibly sharp part of the Hyperion's lobby, she can see that there's a towel around his neck and stains on his He-Man t-shirt that probably come from his illicit stash of candy no one can seem to find and his smile is wide and gleeful, eyes completely without fear as he leaps from twenty feet up to catapult into the great nothingness beyond.

It's reassuring that Wesley screams higher than she does.

Time gives a lurch and speeds up again. Connor drops like a stone, his delighted squeal turning to dismay as he _falls_ instead of soaring the way he clearly intended. Cordelia has one more second to think oh god, not this time, it won't be this time, when there's a _blur_ in front of her, someone moving faster than a human can as it _leaps_ \--

Connor falls safely into Gunn's arms. He doesn't even oof at the contact. Just giggles and blinks up into Gunn's blank, stunned face, saying, "Rrrrr! Again! The Destroyer got you again!"

Everyone takes a moment. There's no getting used to this, no matter how many times Connor tries to acclimate them to the concept. There is a measure of understanding, though, so during that moment while the grandfather clock ticks loudly and Connor is too impressed with himself to understand what's going on, all of them throttle back the urge to scream and yell and generally act like the psychotic parents they are.

Screaming makes Connor wilt so fast it's like he crumples. There are comparisons there that they, long-time vampire hunters all, are unwilling to contemplate, so yelling is tabled within the first several months of Connor's life.

Arms crossed below her breasts, Cordelia knows her scowl is scary. It's supposed to be. "Connor Aurelian!" she snaps again, this time adding, "Little boys _can not fly_. Not even Peter Pan could fly without fairy dust, and other than Jeffrey from last week, you haven't met any fairies ever and _he_ better not have given you any dust!"

Connor turns his big, big blue eyes on her, tiny mouth pursed into something that's not a frown, and not a pout but somehow embodies both. It's a contest of wills, and Cordelia isn't losing this one. Not like the last hundred or so times Connor turned those sad, wide _don't be mad, mommy_ eyes on her.

Are normal boys like this? Because if they are, she's very, deeply screwed. In the not happy-fun way she hasn't been screwed in much longer than she's willing to think about.

Someone clears their throat. Cordelia doesn't look away from Connor -- who's starting to wilt since his pout isn't doing the trick, although there's a crafty look in his eye that means he's not done yet -- instead angling her body towards the plush sofa in the middle. She can see in her peripheral vision that Giles has his glasses off. He's not calm enough to clean them, though, only loosely holding the frame while he stares.

"I believe, Cordelia, that the members of Jeffrey's... community dislike that particular term. Perhaps we shouldn't be teaching it to a young and impressionable boy?"

He clearly _wants_ to be condescending and stuffy. There's too much shock in his voice to really pull it off, though, which is fortunate for his sake.

Before she can answer that there are fairies and then there are _fairies_ , Connor wiggles so that he can look over Gunn's shoulder. "But Jef'y _is_ a fairy, Granpa Rupert! He showed me his wings an' everything!"

It's been three days, now, and Connor's term for Giles _still_ makes everyone snicker. The tableau breaks up, Gunn carrying Connor to the desk where the rags live constantly so he can check the sticky, messy little boy over. He's fine, of course. He's _always_ fine, something Cordelia's honestly not sure is a good thing or not. Wesley seats himself by his old mentor, quietly explaining that yes, Jeffrey _is_ a fairy, a real one, and he's also asexual so the whole gender issue is one that causes him a great deal of dismay, please please don't tell him what happened when Jeffrey comes next week to pay them.

Cordelia considers adding her own demands -- Jeffrey owes them a _lot_ of money -- but when she takes her first step she discovers she's shaking too hard to complete it. Drawing back her foot, she lets her weight come down on Dolce heels that are too spindly to hold an ant's weight, let alone a full-grown woman's, and carefully reaches into her pocket.

He's the first on speed-dial, of course. Hissing so Connor doesn't understand, even though everyone else will, she says, "Angel Aurelian if you don't get back here soon, so help me, you will come home to an empty hotel and you will have to pick up your son from Sunnydale because I _cannot handle this by myself_. I don't care that this is a good publicity opportunity!" One she'd pressed him to take, but it's easy to forget that in the face of flying children and no vampires to rescue them. Maybe they should've had Spike come down? Except no, ick, _never_. "Come home soon!"

A tug on her pants makes her sigh. The phone is turned off and slipped back into her pocket and she carefully doesn't look at the stains she knows are now on her clothes. They have _no idea_ where the food comes from. None. "Yes, Connor?"

"The Destroyer wants mocha ice cream, please."

She blinks. It's a useful delaying tactic. The muscles that control her blinking have gotten an extreme work-out in the last five years. She could probably do weights with them. "Connor. You're five. Five year olds don't have mocha anything."

Of course, there was that _one_ time, but there's never been a lasting effect that they can see! Or, she can see, since she's never told anyone. Ever. Except maybe that one time she was drunk, but since Angel didn't yell at her, she thinks her secret's still safe.

"Noooo," Connor shakes his head, little face solemn. "Not for _me_ , Aunt Cordy."

"Oh?" She arches an eyebrow. The phone is buzzing in her pocket, but she ignores it. Angel will call the main line when she doesn't pick up, and Gunn can play intermediary. Again. Maybe they should sic Giles on him? He's one of the few people Angel actually listens to, even if it is mostly out of guilt. "Who's it for then, munchkin?"

He glares. He looks _exactly_ like his father when he does that, which is hysterical enough that Cordelia's the only one who doesn't start laughing in the face of it. "Not _munchkin._ I'm The Destroyer! And The Destroyer wants chocolate, pease."

"Please," she corrects absently. She's still not sure if she can move, but Fred has already scampered off to the kitchen so the bowls will appear soon enough. "Okay, so, you want chocolate, _please_ , and if you promise not to attempt flight again, I'll let you have a little bi -- "

"Yay!" As quickly as the sour, constipated look appears, it vanishes into the kind of glowing happiness that has melted even the hardest of hearts.

Cordy still manages a chastising look. She does _not_ appreciate being interrupted, and she's so going to hurt Gunn later for laughing at her like that. "So who's the mocha for, The Destroyer?"

Connor reaches up to take her hand, pulling her towards the counter everyone's gathering around. " _You_ , Aunt Cordy! Duh!"

She absolutely does not melt. She doesn't. She is immune to Connor's charm after five years of raising him, and anyway, she has to kill Wesley for leaning closer to Giles and saying, "We're fairly certain he didn't learn that from Angel."

Fortunately, she has the perfect instrument of her revenge beaming up at her. All she has to lift him up, and The Destroyer will go into his famous whirl-wind attack, which reminds them strikingly of Harmony, actually, and everyone will scatter before the face of such awesome fighting skills.

She grins. "Oh, Wesley..."


End file.
